Week 5/7-5/13: Creativity and the Ideal Conflict Manager: Part 2

Summarize what you liked most and what you liked least about this class. In other words, what were the strengths and weaknesses of this class? Would you recommend this class to other students? Why or why not? I have taken more online classes at San Jose State than I have in-person classes, and I absolutely loved how the blog assignments and responses were all due by the end of the week but 12 hours apart. I have a class where the assignments and responses BOTH had to be 24 hours apart and this was difficult to manage when other projects and papers were also due. I liked the option to be able to do the conflict project either all alone or as a group. I work full-time and take 11 units each semester, so flexibility is needed. Often a professor assigns a project for a group, and only 1/3 or ½ of the group participates. I enjoyed how responsive and available the professor was. The idea to be available in IM is genius!! I disliked was how much lead time was given for projects. I am a person that likes to get a SUPER head start knowing the middle and end of the semester get crammed with assignments, quizzes, projects, and papers. I also liked least that this class did not have a final study guide since it is a cumulative test. I have found that cumulative tests are difficult to study for since it is 16 weeks of material. Not knowing which answers were wrong on tests was also hard for me. I never know which terms, concepts, etc., are wrong so statistically it is expected that I will also get those answers wrong on the final questions. I would highly recommend this class to another student. In fact, a coworker of mine was admitted into SJSU for the Fall 2012 semester and I have requested she take this class!! It is easy to manage, the professor is responsive, understanding, and knows how to teach remotely.

Week 5/7-5/13: Creativity and the Ideal Conflict Manager: Part 1

After reading Chapter 16, it is apparent that people have such negative views of conflict because many people do not know how to manage it effectively or efficiently. While this is taking place a conflict may be filled with heightened emotions, avoidance, silence, and may be leading to violence or a terminated relationship. All of these previously mentioned factors are usually seen as negative, so people often assume all conflict is correlated with negative emotions, thoughts, and actions. As more people become more educated on the subject of conflict, its numerous forms, and the ways in properly managing it- conflict is feared much less. We fear the unknown and if the mass population does not choose to enroll in a conflict or communication type class, they will always fear conflict. It is a shame we do not incorporate communication studies more frequently in our school systems since it is an imperative part of our family, professional, and other parts of our lives.

Week 4/9-4/15: Managing Conflict from a Theoretical Perspective: Part 3

The concept for this week I choose is the psychodynamic theory. This theory explains due to people’s intrapersonal issues they experience conflict. Those issues are defines as emotional, mental, and psychological, and those persons lash out at the wrong people or for the wrong initial issue.

Today, a co-worker and I were talking about women, and how we become physically, and mentally morphed when we are on our monthly cycle. All of the women reading this know this is true, and all of you men are shaking your heads in agreement when I say, “We are different animals during this time.” However, with enough years that have gone by, I have been able to manage my mood swings, and lashings on the unexpected neighbor or boyfriend. I know when to expect the morphing stage, and better prepare for an emotional breakdown. Moreover, when times are stressful the psychodynamic theory comes into play, and a small disagreement may arise for the wrong reason and taken out on the wrong person. 

Week 4/9-4/15: Managing Conflict from a Theoretical Perspective: Part 2

Everyone at least once in their life has made false attributions and I guarantee it escalated the issue. As the attribution theory states, “People act as they do in conflict situations because of the inferences they make about others based on their behavior (Abigail & Cahn, 2011),” and I agreed with this theory.
A false attribution I made once was when I was arguing with an ex-boyfriend. I made many internal attributions about him, and I assumed the problems were all due to his actions. We would argue and bicker. We would get into these arguments because we were both unhappy. I deep down knew he was cheating on me, so I’d call him names. Now I realize, I was a young, and VERY naive girl would did not have the confidence and life experience to simply leave due to my unhappiness. I placed the blame all on him, and this escalated to arguments and later me resolving the situation by leaving.

I surprise myself when I make the accurate attributions about an acquaintance that I did not friend. My personality does not allow me to make many acquaintances, but I make serious life-long friendships. I met a girl once, when I was in High School, and made an accurate attribution about her. It turned out to be a great decision since she ended up getting into trouble, and would have influenced me in a bad way.

Week 4/9-4/15: Managing Conflict from a Theoretical Perspective: Part 1

When searching online for the word forgiveness it produced the definition, many websites about the bible, and the scientific understanding of the psychology of forgiving. I can really understand why the term religion was a topic when I typed in this word. The bible and God is often referred to as being forgiving, and many people turn to this thought to be forgiven. I am not really sure of why the psychology of forgiving would be a popular topic, maybe, when someone has lost a loved one due to a hurtful act it takes a scientific approach to understand others actions.

When searching online for the word reconciliation it produced many more definitions than forgiveness, again, the topic of religion, political and banking. Religion came up because of the Catholic Sacrament of Reconciliation. This is the most popular religion in the United States; so many people tend to look this phrase up. Numerous people reconcile their debts into one lump, thus the reason of banking to come up. Divorce is also another word because many couples like to reconcile before the head for that direction.

When searching online for the word revenge produced television series, and movies named, “Revenge”. Often the word triggered games, company names, and more movies. This is due to people being more interested in visually watching these types of acts rather than watching something that incorporates bunnies, hugging, and love. The mass population would rather see blood, guts, and simply hear a good story on revenge.

None of the words triggered more websites than another. It seems as though the internet has an infinite amount of pages.

Week 4/2-4/8: Managing Face & Managing Conflict through Forgiveness: Part 3

For spring break I went to a bachelorette party in San Diego. The bride-to-be is a good friend, but I did not know many of the other girls attending the social gathering. Two of the other girls I had met in the past, but were more acquaintances than friends. These girls like to party more than I had ever seen people party in my life. I knew I had experienced a lot of craziness in my life, but this was a 24hour drink fest from the moment our flight landed at 11am on Friday until 1pm Monday afternoon.

Sunday was supposed to be the relaxing day by the pool. However, this was absolutely not the case. We attended a brunch on the water, and the restaurant served bottomless champagne with the fancy buffet. This is exactly what happened with all the girls but me and another girl who had to drive home after brunch. Since we had partied until 5am, I was not feeling very well, so I didn’t join them. It lasted for hours, and was a shit-show. I helped the other girl get to her car. While this was all happening one of the girls “tried” to secretly” ask another if I was mad, and was going to stay that way. It seems to me this situation has caused some emotional residue that I am trying to get past. I felt a sense of betrayal and was a little hurt, but knowing she was drunk, I am feeling a lot less hurt. But emotional residue can be a dangerous thing. Those transgressions can linger and cause a relationship to fail before it can begin.

Week 4/2-4/8: Managing Face & Managing Conflict through Forgiveness: Part 2

I had something very private happen to me about a year and a half ago. Only few friends and minimal family members know about it. I felt it was not necessary for people to know about this event in my life. A few months later I visited some family in Los Banos and I brought my boyfriend to meet them. Some family flew into California from Idaho and was also in Los Banos, so it was a great day to have a meet and greet with Randy. The moment I walked in the door my aunt asked why I did not tell her about my secret. I was caught off guard, completely embarrassed, and angry. I told her the truth, and understood. I asked where she heard this private information, and she stated my sister told her. This was unlike my sister, so this made me even more infuriated. Once I was home, I called and asked her about it. She said she didn’t tell my aunt and that it was my mother. This made more sense knowing her character. I told my mother to keep my information quiet from now on, and I told her how I could no longer trust her. It was harder for me to forgive my mom since I had originally asked her not to tell anyone.

Week 4/2-4/8: Managing Face & Managing Conflict through Forgiveness: Part 1

I am a member of the social networking website Facebook. I present myself as a professional young woman in a committed relationship that loves to travel, to spend time with family and friends. I rarely post any comments about the absurd thoughts that may pop into my head or the meaningless things people now give meaning to on these websites. I simply have a Facebook to keep in contact with relatives and friends that no longer live nearby. I do not hope someone gets any impression about my life at all. The only things I wish people would not post on their social network webpage are pictures of me that I do not like. People such as employers or family may see those pictures. None of them are outrageous, but I do not want my boss or grandma knowing I went to Sally’s house to watch the UFC and drank a couple beers. I like to have a somewhat private life since it is usually not a great idea that everyone you know, knows everything you do all day every day.

Week 3/19-3/25: Managing Stress: Part 3

In chapter 8 of the textbook the author describes the ventilation approach to express one’s anger. I chose this term or concept because I tend to use this approach too often. The book would classify me as an anger-in person due to my discussing the conflict or anger with other people like my boyfriend, dad, sister, friend, or coworker. In many cases, I feel it necessary to understand a situation before I judge it, and I gather other’s opinions to cross-reference it I am interpreting a heightened conflict properly. In doing so, I may overshare or vent to the wrong person.
I know this is a quality I need to fix as I may be focusing on the wrong inflicted on myself, and should focus on what I may have done to receive this reaction to a problem. When I feel the urge to share, I use the S-LTC system. This has worked effectively in many situations, and practicing more and more.

Week 3/19-3/25: Managing Stress: Part 2

I am not a person who tends to blow up during an anger situation. This is a little difficult for me to answer this question since I am not confronted with a highly escalated issue often. I tend to want to discuss and assess the situation with calm words. I seek to understand the opposing party rather than attack them.
However, about a year ago my sister and I experienced a rough patch in our relationship. She would lash out at me, and would refuse to hear me. This frustrated me so badly, in the first argument I slammed the door at her house, and the second I raised my voice in anger.

When people are confronted with these anger-outs, they retreat or fight back. This hurts the initial issue, and possibly the relationship forever. Many people express the feeling of being belittled. The aggressor could humiliate the other person, or ruin a person’s reputation out of spite. I do not wish to be one of these people and I have never been in a physical altercation. But, when people push our “Do not push” button, it may feel this is the only way to handle the conflict, no matter how wrong it may be.

Week 3/19-3/25: Managing Stress: Part 1

This week’s blog postings seem as if they are talking directly to me and my life. In a week I work 40+ hours, commute 7 ½ hours (depending if I have client meetings in San Francisco), workout 5+ hours (if homework is light), and about 20+ hours of homework. Balancing life with all of these things seems impossible. However, for the sake of our blog, the first solution, making the distinction between work and play, is a thin invisible line. I can make the distinction by taking small breaks between my homework at home and watch a little Netflix. I will also do all my homework, and take a break one day in the week. The second solution is in those down time moments I will look at those as a positive mental healing session. Also, we will watch the UFC fights about once a month, and even if I get out of the house for a little bit, I will mentally checkout to enjoy the time away from work, and homework. The third and final solution, I look at all the homework tasks as a step closer to being done and graduating with a diploma in hand. By looking at the small things and integrating this into the future I want is perfect.

Week 3/5-3/11: Managing the Conflict Climate: Part 3

The art of neutral speech is something I would like to master. It is making everyone in a conversation feel comfortable and that everyone is as equal as the person next to them. No one feels powerless and no one feels power in these situations. The people in authority who use this quite possibly have a career in mediation. Neither party in the process is threatened by the mediator nor their opposing party. This is why I refer to this term as an art. Communication is done every day, but people who make everyone feel important and weighs the power scale at an even level takes a special trait or has taken a lot of practice. A professor whom asks the students in the classroom to call them by their first name is practicing this skill. All the students in the class refer to each other on a first name basis, so professors requesting to only be called Dr., Mrs., Miss, or Mr. Is requesting to be referenced in a powerful position.

Week 3/5-3/11: Managing the Conflict Climate: Part 2

Power can mean many things, but in relation to chapter six it is the capability to influence or control actions (Trenholm, 2011, pg. 104). When in an unbalanced power relationship it is uncomfortable, uneasy, and a lack of self confidence. Whether the unbalanced relationship is a work relationship (manager to employee), family relationship (mom/dad to child) or an intimate relationship (husband/boyfriend to wife/girlfriend) the unbalanced power can escalate to violence. To have more power, one feels just that- powerful. Although you may feel that power has gone to a wrong level, it still feels like you have control over something. However, when your boss tells you something in a demeaning manner, it can lead to poor work productivity, and may lead one to quite.

In the past I had an awful job and my manager was the reason for my hate of that job. I felt belittled every day, and I only thought how I could leave that horrid situation rather than focusing on the tasks provided to me. When I put in a vacation request she verbally approved the days. Once I purchased the plane tickets and verified once more that I would be out, she responded with perplexity. She retracted her approval. I talked to her, the Human Resources Manager, and the head of our department, and they all stated, “Whatever your manager feels right, is what will happen.” I gave my two weeks’ notice, and took the vacation. Five weeks after the vacation, I found myself a terrific job and still work here.

Week 3/5-3/11: Managing the Conflict Climate: Part 1

It is natural to say I have lost trust in everyone I have known, to some degree. I know I can trust my sister over every person I have ever known. She is my younger sister and we have grown up together during the great times and the horrible experiences. I was an adventurous and troublesome teenager, but my little sister was always there to cover for me and my mistakes.

There have been many friends in and out of my life over the past 26 years. One of the people I have lost trust in was one of these friends. We had known each other for years. We worked together, and our significant others became friends. We went to Vegas together for her sister’s birthday. We shopped and partied together. One day I saw a vividly sexual picture of her on my boyfriend-at-the-time’s cell phone. She and he had been having an affair.

I was shocked, disgusted, sad, and felt betrayed on two different levels. After getting into arguments of his denial, I ended the relationship with my boyfriend. He told her I knew their secret, but we never spoke. We avoided each other. I think she never spoke to me in fear one day I would tell her wonderful husband.

The trust was never restored.

Week 2/20-2/26: Responding to Conflict: Part 3

You statements and I statements is a behavior that should be implemented in our education system. I have heard many times communication professors say, “Communication is done every day yet a person does not learn about it until they have to pay for their education. In most cases as individuals we have learned our communication habits and now as adults try to reconstruct what we’ve learned.” The first time I heard this statement I knew this was true, sad, and concerning all at the same time. I thought to myself how many major conflicts could have been solved if we only knew a few key communication behaviors to better resolve or understand them. The “you” and “I” statements are one of those many key behaviors and habits.

Placing the blame on another person for a conflict you are also involved in only creates a sense of avoidance and tension. If you stick your pointer-finger in someone’s face enough times they may slap it away, yell at you, or walk away. You may think the reaction is immature or ridiculous, but if one analysis what made that person react, the responsibility is shifted. Finally, the two parties are closer to conflict resolution.

Week 2/20-2/26: Responding to Conflict: Part 2

When others talk I am usually soaking in the information and thinking about how to respond. In reading the text I understand that this may be a reactive rather than interactive process. Having the ability to stop all process of thought and concentrate on what your communication partner is saying is something I will need to practice. In our society and culture, we tend to want to put our own opinions out there to the world instead of understanding what other people mean what they say and where they came from to say the things they did. Recently I have been judging a coworker of mine due to the ridiculous things they say. I thought she was naïve and very judgmental of other people. What I did not realize is this person has never traveled any farther than Nevada and California. Knowing this little bit of information helps me understand this person rather than judge.

After listening to someone speaks I can usually reiterate what that person just articulated. I think being heard and making the other person feel important in any relationship is key to success. My boss is a person that is exactly how the textbook uses to describe the first step in listening. To grab his attention you must first yell his name numerous times until he realizes you are talking to him. Then when he is “listening” you know he is really thinking of 100 other things going on (i.e. emails, voicemails, other people in the office). It can be very frustrating when it comes down to an important and urgent situation.

Week 2/20-2/26: Responding to Conflict: Part 1

Conflict…this word has negative feelings for me when I think or talk about it. I have always had trouble with this subject and being able to manage them. When I was younger and in middle school I was teased a lot, so the conflict was internal. I wanted to be like the other people even though I was made fun of. Children at this age do not grasp the idea of others feelings nor do they have the capacity to use the S-TLC System. Now that I am older and have more confidence in myself, I have a problem with keeping my mouth shut when a conflict is rising. I sometimes think it is because I want my opinions to be heard and for people to know how much I have changed. But this does not change the fact that I need to learn to slow my mind down during conflict.

I have taken a “time out” in all the ways the textbook describes. I do prefer to change the topic or count backward (maybe not literally, but stop and slow my mind down). I am getting better at this. I have learned that with getting to know people you may use different tactics. However, I would like to manage more conflicts by practicing this “time out” method.

Week 2/13-19: Managing Others’ Disputes through Mediation: Part 3

My boyfriend’s father, Bob (for the sake of privacy this is an alias name), is a family psychologist in Vancouver, Washington, and acts as a liaison between other psychologists during a business’s high stress situation (i.e. bank robbery, major lay-off). He is also the first point of contact, west of the Mississippi, if there is ever a terrorist attack or plane crash in the United States. He has told us many of the situations he has been in and incidents he has been able to help lessen the stress while the authorities solve a problem. He has used many of the mediation steps to do so, but in a role of a psychologist. The bank seeks his expertise, he brings the victims together, he makes a statement regarding the situation at hand, as a group or individually the victims find a common ground to resolve the problem mentally, Bob writes a report, and ends the session.

Week 2/13-19: Managing Others’ Disputes through Mediation: Part 2

You may utilize the techniques such as fractionation, framing, reframing, and common ground for solving problems that do not involve interpersonal conflicts. The mediator uses these techniques to assist in the process of solving two conflicting parties. The first, fractionation is taking a complicated problem and breaking it apart into smaller more simple problems. This tactic could be used at work, or even in your personal relationships. Framing is a way to summarize troubles by asking unbiased questions. This also could be used in a professional situation to get a consensus of data. Reframing is taking already negatively stated discussions and flips them to be more positive or neutral. This is helpful when teaching a child a lesson and how to analyze things in a different light. Common ground is where various attitudes, values, behaviors, and goals can be used as a foundation for a portion of a solution. All of these tactics and techniques can be used in many different conflicts and assist in coming to an easier conclusion where everyone wins.

Week 2/13-19: Managing Others’ Disputes through Mediation: Part 1

A mediator is a neutral third party who has no decision-making power regarding the outcome of the mediation. These mediators restore communication, normalize relations, and allows for full participation by the conflicting parties. Communication majors would make great mediators since communication is all about keeping an unbiased view, while communicating with various types of individuals and groups of people while lawyers and psychotherapists are persuaded by money, and would make unsatisfactory mediators. Mediators should not take sides and are not put in these situations for financial gain. Lawyers and psychotherapists jobs are based on being unbiased and fighting for one conflicting parties’ ideas and pursuits. Although mediators need to uphold certain rules, lawyers and psychotherapists may not be able to do so. Some of these rules are creating a positive discussion, hoping for a win-win conclusion/solution, talking about emotion without criticism, and trying to solve the problem versus putting the blame on the opposing party.