Week 3/19-3/25: Managing Stress: Part 3

In chapter 8 of the textbook the author describes the ventilation approach to express one’s anger. I chose this term or concept because I tend to use this approach too often. The book would classify me as an anger-in person due to my discussing the conflict or anger with other people like my boyfriend, dad, sister, friend, or coworker. In many cases, I feel it necessary to understand a situation before I judge it, and I gather other’s opinions to cross-reference it I am interpreting a heightened conflict properly. In doing so, I may overshare or vent to the wrong person.
I know this is a quality I need to fix as I may be focusing on the wrong inflicted on myself, and should focus on what I may have done to receive this reaction to a problem. When I feel the urge to share, I use the S-LTC system. This has worked effectively in many situations, and practicing more and more.

Week 3/19-3/25: Managing Stress: Part 2

I am not a person who tends to blow up during an anger situation. This is a little difficult for me to answer this question since I am not confronted with a highly escalated issue often. I tend to want to discuss and assess the situation with calm words. I seek to understand the opposing party rather than attack them.
However, about a year ago my sister and I experienced a rough patch in our relationship. She would lash out at me, and would refuse to hear me. This frustrated me so badly, in the first argument I slammed the door at her house, and the second I raised my voice in anger.

When people are confronted with these anger-outs, they retreat or fight back. This hurts the initial issue, and possibly the relationship forever. Many people express the feeling of being belittled. The aggressor could humiliate the other person, or ruin a person’s reputation out of spite. I do not wish to be one of these people and I have never been in a physical altercation. But, when people push our “Do not push” button, it may feel this is the only way to handle the conflict, no matter how wrong it may be.

Week 3/19-3/25: Managing Stress: Part 1

This week’s blog postings seem as if they are talking directly to me and my life. In a week I work 40+ hours, commute 7 ½ hours (depending if I have client meetings in San Francisco), workout 5+ hours (if homework is light), and about 20+ hours of homework. Balancing life with all of these things seems impossible. However, for the sake of our blog, the first solution, making the distinction between work and play, is a thin invisible line. I can make the distinction by taking small breaks between my homework at home and watch a little Netflix. I will also do all my homework, and take a break one day in the week. The second solution is in those down time moments I will look at those as a positive mental healing session. Also, we will watch the UFC fights about once a month, and even if I get out of the house for a little bit, I will mentally checkout to enjoy the time away from work, and homework. The third and final solution, I look at all the homework tasks as a step closer to being done and graduating with a diploma in hand. By looking at the small things and integrating this into the future I want is perfect.

Week 3/5-3/11: Managing the Conflict Climate: Part 3

The art of neutral speech is something I would like to master. It is making everyone in a conversation feel comfortable and that everyone is as equal as the person next to them. No one feels powerless and no one feels power in these situations. The people in authority who use this quite possibly have a career in mediation. Neither party in the process is threatened by the mediator nor their opposing party. This is why I refer to this term as an art. Communication is done every day, but people who make everyone feel important and weighs the power scale at an even level takes a special trait or has taken a lot of practice. A professor whom asks the students in the classroom to call them by their first name is practicing this skill. All the students in the class refer to each other on a first name basis, so professors requesting to only be called Dr., Mrs., Miss, or Mr. Is requesting to be referenced in a powerful position.

Week 3/5-3/11: Managing the Conflict Climate: Part 2

Power can mean many things, but in relation to chapter six it is the capability to influence or control actions (Trenholm, 2011, pg. 104). When in an unbalanced power relationship it is uncomfortable, uneasy, and a lack of self confidence. Whether the unbalanced relationship is a work relationship (manager to employee), family relationship (mom/dad to child) or an intimate relationship (husband/boyfriend to wife/girlfriend) the unbalanced power can escalate to violence. To have more power, one feels just that- powerful. Although you may feel that power has gone to a wrong level, it still feels like you have control over something. However, when your boss tells you something in a demeaning manner, it can lead to poor work productivity, and may lead one to quite.

In the past I had an awful job and my manager was the reason for my hate of that job. I felt belittled every day, and I only thought how I could leave that horrid situation rather than focusing on the tasks provided to me. When I put in a vacation request she verbally approved the days. Once I purchased the plane tickets and verified once more that I would be out, she responded with perplexity. She retracted her approval. I talked to her, the Human Resources Manager, and the head of our department, and they all stated, “Whatever your manager feels right, is what will happen.” I gave my two weeks’ notice, and took the vacation. Five weeks after the vacation, I found myself a terrific job and still work here.

Week 3/5-3/11: Managing the Conflict Climate: Part 1

It is natural to say I have lost trust in everyone I have known, to some degree. I know I can trust my sister over every person I have ever known. She is my younger sister and we have grown up together during the great times and the horrible experiences. I was an adventurous and troublesome teenager, but my little sister was always there to cover for me and my mistakes.

There have been many friends in and out of my life over the past 26 years. One of the people I have lost trust in was one of these friends. We had known each other for years. We worked together, and our significant others became friends. We went to Vegas together for her sister’s birthday. We shopped and partied together. One day I saw a vividly sexual picture of her on my boyfriend-at-the-time’s cell phone. She and he had been having an affair.

I was shocked, disgusted, sad, and felt betrayed on two different levels. After getting into arguments of his denial, I ended the relationship with my boyfriend. He told her I knew their secret, but we never spoke. We avoided each other. I think she never spoke to me in fear one day I would tell her wonderful husband.

The trust was never restored.

Week 2/20-2/26: Responding to Conflict: Part 3

You statements and I statements is a behavior that should be implemented in our education system. I have heard many times communication professors say, “Communication is done every day yet a person does not learn about it until they have to pay for their education. In most cases as individuals we have learned our communication habits and now as adults try to reconstruct what we’ve learned.” The first time I heard this statement I knew this was true, sad, and concerning all at the same time. I thought to myself how many major conflicts could have been solved if we only knew a few key communication behaviors to better resolve or understand them. The “you” and “I” statements are one of those many key behaviors and habits.

Placing the blame on another person for a conflict you are also involved in only creates a sense of avoidance and tension. If you stick your pointer-finger in someone’s face enough times they may slap it away, yell at you, or walk away. You may think the reaction is immature or ridiculous, but if one analysis what made that person react, the responsibility is shifted. Finally, the two parties are closer to conflict resolution.