Everyone at least once in their life has made false attributions and I guarantee it escalated the issue. As the attribution theory states, “People act as they do in conflict situations because of the inferences they make about others based on their behavior (Abigail & Cahn, 2011),” and I agreed with this theory.
A false attribution I made once was when I was arguing with an ex-boyfriend. I made many internal attributions about him, and I assumed the problems were all due to his actions. We would argue and bicker. We would get into these arguments because we were both unhappy. I deep down knew he was cheating on me, so I’d call him names. Now I realize, I was a young, and VERY naive girl would did not have the confidence and life experience to simply leave due to my unhappiness. I placed the blame all on him, and this escalated to arguments and later me resolving the situation by leaving.
I surprise myself when I make the accurate attributions about an acquaintance that I did not friend. My personality does not allow me to make many acquaintances, but I make serious life-long friendships. I met a girl once, when I was in High School, and made an accurate attribution about her. It turned out to be a great decision since she ended up getting into trouble, and would have influenced me in a bad way.
I think it’s easier to assume we know why someone is acting the way they do if we are in a close relationship with them than if they are merely an acquaintance. So I can see why you would be making internal attributions about your boyfriend and taking retaliatory action by calling him names. You guessed he was cheating on you. And if he were cheating on you, he probably had other negative attributes, too. Perhaps some of the attributions you made of your boyfriend were accurate? In placing the blame all on him you were also making external attributions and trying to avoid taking any blame in an attempt to protect yourself.
ReplyDeleteGreat Post!
ReplyDeleteYou bring up the issue of “intuition” and how it relates to making an accurate assessment of someones personality. After reading through your post, I think this good “judging of character” is something we both share. I’m always amazed by some of the girls/guys my I see my friends choosing as romantic partners. Guys, for the most part, are often oblivious to the various signals and signs a woman puts off. At first, personality traits that might annoy us go unnoticed If we find her attractive enough. We are slow to catch onto these things... Women, on the other hand, seem to be more acutely aware of what they want. The thing I’ve seen with women though is they will sometimes trick themselves into thinking everything is fine in a relationship because, deep down, they want it to work out long after it’s past saving.