Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Week 2/13-19: Managing Others’ Disputes through Mediation: Part 1
A mediator is a neutral third party who has no decision-making power regarding the outcome of the mediation. These mediators restore communication, normalize relations, and allows for full participation by the conflicting parties. Communication majors would make great mediators since communication is all about keeping an unbiased view, while communicating with various types of individuals and groups of people while lawyers and psychotherapists are persuaded by money, and would make unsatisfactory mediators. Mediators should not take sides and are not put in these situations for financial gain. Lawyers and psychotherapists jobs are based on being unbiased and fighting for one conflicting parties’ ideas and pursuits. Although mediators need to uphold certain rules, lawyers and psychotherapists may not be able to do so. Some of these rules are creating a positive discussion, hoping for a win-win conclusion/solution, talking about emotion without criticism, and trying to solve the problem versus putting the blame on the opposing party.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Communication Options in Conflict: Part 3
A few years ago, when I was confronted with conflict I did not know how to deal with it. I was selfish, would not listen to reason, and utilized passive-aggression communication as a means to resolve my conflict. In taking communication classes, I have learned that family and friends are important and using this method to try and solve my problems was creating new ones. I have lost many friends and good job contacts due to my unreasonable actions. I never inflicted physical pain or injury to my partner in conflict, but would use deception to get my way.
It was not until my public speaking class, did I realize that I was a “mean girl” and needed to change. Without realizing it, I was using the characteristics of passive-aggressive communication to get my way. This was especially true in my working life. Once I was taught to look at myself before I can blame others, I became scared of the person I had become.
Looking back, I cannot believe I used those tactics of backstabbing and sabotage. Since then I have incorporated all that I have learned from my communication classes, and the lessons of life, and have become proud of who I am.
It was not until my public speaking class, did I realize that I was a “mean girl” and needed to change. Without realizing it, I was using the characteristics of passive-aggressive communication to get my way. This was especially true in my working life. Once I was taught to look at myself before I can blame others, I became scared of the person I had become.
Looking back, I cannot believe I used those tactics of backstabbing and sabotage. Since then I have incorporated all that I have learned from my communication classes, and the lessons of life, and have become proud of who I am.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Communication Options in Conflict: Part 2
Punishing a child is the act of using violence to communicate that they have misbehaved. Violence can be a variety of things such as verbal abuse, physically abuse, and physiological abuse. Disciplining a child is teaching a child to learn from mistakes, and teaching a child a lesson without suffering. Numerous parents place their child on time out, or remove specific toys from their daily life to teach them their actions have consequences.
Basic communication rights are not implemented or are taken away from children when punishment is involved. Abusive parents tend to use their power of aggression and are very assertive in an escalated situation. When a child misbehaves and any form abuse is the solution- that is stepping over the line.
We have most likely all seen a You Tube video of a parent abusing their child. The most recent, and very disturbing video, was the man, who was a Texas family lawyer, who repeatedly hit his disabled daughter with a belt. The daughter videotaped one incident and was so frightened of her father she waited seven years to show police. The father had an addiction to abuse. He lashed her all the time and verbally abused her every day.
This is an example of definitely stepping over the line of paternal authority to punish a child.
Basic communication rights are not implemented or are taken away from children when punishment is involved. Abusive parents tend to use their power of aggression and are very assertive in an escalated situation. When a child misbehaves and any form abuse is the solution- that is stepping over the line.
We have most likely all seen a You Tube video of a parent abusing their child. The most recent, and very disturbing video, was the man, who was a Texas family lawyer, who repeatedly hit his disabled daughter with a belt. The daughter videotaped one incident and was so frightened of her father she waited seven years to show police. The father had an addiction to abuse. He lashed her all the time and verbally abused her every day.
This is an example of definitely stepping over the line of paternal authority to punish a child.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Communication Options in Conflict: Part 1
There are three different orientations when confronted with conflict. The first orientation is other-centered orientation, the second is self-centered orientation, and the third is relationship-centered ways orientation. This first question is quite difficult to answer since in different situations I use separate orientations.
I tend to mostly use the relationship-centered orientation. I try to please myself and others when I am confronted with conflict. In some situations, I compromise more than I collaborate, however, other times it is the opposite.
While growing up and even now, I have tried to understand conflict while the issue is including multiple females. It is easy for me to be honest and upfront when discussing conflict with males, but for some reason females (even though I’m female) it is harder. I know I must compromise more when conflict is surrounding females due to more emotions and feelings being invested. This makes the outcome somewhat hard, but compromise is a part of life.
While at work this orientation is a balance of both. Compromise is needed when working in groups, and trying to solve a problem. Collaborating is also very involved.
Moreover, when review time is in season I use the self-centered orientation. No one looks out for you when it comes to sticking up for your salary interest, promotion, and other situations/conflicts.
I tend to mostly use the relationship-centered orientation. I try to please myself and others when I am confronted with conflict. In some situations, I compromise more than I collaborate, however, other times it is the opposite.
While growing up and even now, I have tried to understand conflict while the issue is including multiple females. It is easy for me to be honest and upfront when discussing conflict with males, but for some reason females (even though I’m female) it is harder. I know I must compromise more when conflict is surrounding females due to more emotions and feelings being invested. This makes the outcome somewhat hard, but compromise is a part of life.
While at work this orientation is a balance of both. Compromise is needed when working in groups, and trying to solve a problem. Collaborating is also very involved.
Moreover, when review time is in season I use the self-centered orientation. No one looks out for you when it comes to sticking up for your salary interest, promotion, and other situations/conflicts.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Violence Cycle
In Chapter two for our textbook, the author describes the violence cycle. I find this area of conflict very fascinating because this is such an extremity that I cannot understand it first-hand. I have never been in a fight nor have I been hit by anyone. Verbal aggression/abuse, and physical aggression has not been conflicted on me, but I have seen it in my upbringing at home and at school.
One of the main reasons I find it fascinating is how violent people will get in a small conflict. There are people in jail because they killed or abused someone for the most unimportant reasons. People also become violent for reasons other than conflict.
There is a chemical imbalance in many people’s brains that have been linked with violence. With this scan there has been a controversial matter that has risen. People are asking the question, can we perform brain scans and imprison people for having a brain that will most likely break the law in a violent way? This is scary, but true.
One of the main reasons I find it fascinating is how violent people will get in a small conflict. There are people in jail because they killed or abused someone for the most unimportant reasons. People also become violent for reasons other than conflict.
There is a chemical imbalance in many people’s brains that have been linked with violence. With this scan there has been a controversial matter that has risen. People are asking the question, can we perform brain scans and imprison people for having a brain that will most likely break the law in a violent way? This is scary, but true.
A Process View of Conflict
During stage four of the Interpersonal Conflict Resolution is to consider your partner’s point of view: listen, empathize, and respond with understanding. This can be very difficult when I get into an argument with my younger sister.
She gets easily flustered when she feels pressured or under any pressure, and will lash out at the nearest person. It can be very hard to see her point of view because in my opinion she can be irrational and inconsiderate of others feelings. It is difficult to see her point of view, when she refuses to see yours. Recently she asked me to do a favor, but I could not accept due to my work hours. I requested she ask another person in the family, but she became angry. She accepted the responsibility of this task, and she decided to go out of town and put the task on someone else at the last minute. I did not understand why she did not see why I could not do it. She is still angry at me. It wasn’t until I read this chapter that I let go my frustration at her and simply see her point of view.
No matter how asinine I may think my sister may be I am now going to put myself in her shoes, and TRY to understand. I will think of this chapter and be more empathetic. I understand I could have accepted the task, and if I could not do it, I would have just called someone to help me. I still have not talked to her since she will not return my calls or texts, but I am sure we will work it out as we always do.
She gets easily flustered when she feels pressured or under any pressure, and will lash out at the nearest person. It can be very hard to see her point of view because in my opinion she can be irrational and inconsiderate of others feelings. It is difficult to see her point of view, when she refuses to see yours. Recently she asked me to do a favor, but I could not accept due to my work hours. I requested she ask another person in the family, but she became angry. She accepted the responsibility of this task, and she decided to go out of town and put the task on someone else at the last minute. I did not understand why she did not see why I could not do it. She is still angry at me. It wasn’t until I read this chapter that I let go my frustration at her and simply see her point of view.
No matter how asinine I may think my sister may be I am now going to put myself in her shoes, and TRY to understand. I will think of this chapter and be more empathetic. I understand I could have accepted the task, and if I could not do it, I would have just called someone to help me. I still have not talked to her since she will not return my calls or texts, but I am sure we will work it out as we always do.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Intro to the Study of Conflict
I do believe as humans we have an inborn trait instinct for conflict. In order to resolve, we must have conflict.
This trait does not make us humans more or less human. Numerous other animals have other ways and/or reasons for conflict. Many of the different animals have conflict to win its mates respect and are a sign of strength and ability to procreate. Other species need to prove their acceptance into a group’s society (i.e. ape family). As humans, we see these above mentioned things as behaviors rather than being more or less human. We have the ability to observe and understand other beings.
The instinct for conflict is a valuable asset. We have learned about the laws of science, the universe, other species, and also a lot about our own species and society. If not for conflict, even within our own minds, we may not have achieved the many things we have to-date.
On the other hand, humans can be self destructive due to this instinct for conflict. Much of the population has turned to violence. We have created wars and turned to bad behaviors (drugs). Humans have also destroyed our world by chopping down our beautiful forests, and jungles, tossing trash into our oceans, and into space.
This trait does not make us humans more or less human. Numerous other animals have other ways and/or reasons for conflict. Many of the different animals have conflict to win its mates respect and are a sign of strength and ability to procreate. Other species need to prove their acceptance into a group’s society (i.e. ape family). As humans, we see these above mentioned things as behaviors rather than being more or less human. We have the ability to observe and understand other beings.
The instinct for conflict is a valuable asset. We have learned about the laws of science, the universe, other species, and also a lot about our own species and society. If not for conflict, even within our own minds, we may not have achieved the many things we have to-date.
On the other hand, humans can be self destructive due to this instinct for conflict. Much of the population has turned to violence. We have created wars and turned to bad behaviors (drugs). Humans have also destroyed our world by chopping down our beautiful forests, and jungles, tossing trash into our oceans, and into space.
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